What You Need To Know

• As soon as you start wondering whether she likes you, you lose your cool.
• Take control: Realize that how you feel about her is more important than how she feels about you.
• Attract incredible women by being your true, authentic self.

When it comes to dating, relationships and marriage, guys throughout history have asked the same questions over and over — let’s call them the “Eternal Questions.” “When is the right time to have sex?” “How do I know it’s time to break up?” “What do I do when she gets pregnant and we didn’t plan it?” These are the sorts of challenges I’ll help you deal with by addressing a new question every week. If you have your own questions you’d like answered, please e-mail me. I’ve been helping people deal with these issues professionally for 14 years. On AskMen, I hope to help even more of you find some positive solutions and move your lives in the directions you want them to go.

No matter what age you are, no matter what stage in life you’re at, the moment you feel that you like a woman, you start terrorizing your friends with this question: “Does she like me?”

You rally all of them. You might go out in a group or call friends up individually and ask each of them, “Can you let me know what you think — does she like me?” And you’ll start going over some of the things she’s done. You’re starving for their opinions. Here’s the issue — the issue we all forget: The minute you walk around wondering, “Does she like me?” you’re basically giving your power away to her, without even realizing it.

Then, the next time you see her when you go out on a date, you’re not really yourself because you’re so caught up with wondering if she likes you and wanting her to like you that you hold back who you really are. And in dating, isn’t that the whole point? In order to get the ending right — to finally find that great woman you could spend eternity with, or at least happily ever after for two years — you need to find someone who likes you (and is dating you) for who you are instead of liking you for who they thinkyou are.

You need to stop worrying about if she likes you, and you need to flip the switch and the power. You need to think: Do you like her? Is she somebody you can hang with? Is she somebody you can envision going on vacation with? Is she somebody you’d like to wake up with in the morning? Is she sexually compatible with you? Do you like the way she moves? Do you like the way she talks? Do you like the way she takes care of herself? And most important, are you able to be 100 percent authentic in front of her? Are you being yourself, or are you just being a version of yourself in order to get her to like you?

The minute I stopped worrying whether a girl liked me and started being myself in every situation, I had an endless supply of women liking me. The funny thing is, I didn’t like many of them. I found they were actually spending time trying to get me to like them instead of just being themselves. So I’ve been where you are, and I’ve seen both sides of it. And let me tell you, if you flip the switch and start to do the things I advise above, you’re never going to call another friend to ask whether the girl you like likes you back. You’re never going to worry about whether she likes you. You’re going to have complete control, complete power — and you’re going to attract the most incredible women. The eternal question “Does she like me?” won’t be a question anymore.

What You Need To Know

• No call back? You failed to connect with her.
• Women feel connected by sharing stories, words and emotions.
• Try talking to her like a friend to ease the situation.

You went out the other night with this amazing woman. You thought that it was the most perfect first date. You thought she was into you. You left her a message the following day telling her that you had a great time and hoped to take her out again soon.

It’s been three days since the terrific date, and she has not called you back. Why won’t she call back? You’re confused. You have replayed the date over and over with all your friends. You’ve asked for their opinion about why things are unfolding the way they are. Is she busy? Away? Involved? You’ve over-analyzed it to death and can’t stop checking your phone.

You even start thinking that maybe it was the message you left. Why did you say that you had a good time? Was that a turn off?You Didn’t ConnectWell, it’s actually none of those things. The reason she has not called back is that she simply does not feel the same way that you do about the date — or about you. The explanation? You probably failed to emotionally connect with her.     Let me explain it this way: How many of you have gone out, met a woman, scored her home number, and then said to yourself, “Why won’t she call back?” Probably a lot. That happens when you have failed to connect with a woman and distinguish yourself from the other guys who are also hitting on her. The next day, she probably has no idea who you are.    It’s the same idea on a date. When she leaves that date, she needs to know something about you that makes her feel “connected” to you. That you shared something with her — a moment, a laugh, an experience.

What You Need To Do

If you want women to call you back, you need to focus on making an emotional connection with them. Men feel connected by sharing activities; women feel connected by sharing stories, words and emotions.      When you go on your next date, ask yourself, “What three things did I learn about her?” and “What did I share about myself with her?” The answers to those questions are what build a relationship.     If you want to get better at this and advance to date No. 2, you have to work at it. You have to learn how to connect emotionally with women. One way is to start talking to women as you would speak to any friend. Pay attention to the details of what she tells you. Remember the names of her friends, where she went to school, where she grew up.

Remember the conversations. Personalize your message by saying something like, “I had a great time with you last night. I especially enjoyed our conversation about your travels in Italy. How about I take you to that little sushi restaurant you mentioned next Thursday.” This is how you can let the her know that you are not one of the regular men that she has met — that you are connected to her.

Little shifts in how you connect with women will ensure a returned call. I promise.